Eggshells Unbroken

the day I came home and turned on the light

to those who did not treat me well and, for some reason, wondered why I left:

it is because I remembered that I loved myself more than I loved the idea of an “us”

it is because I remembered I was worth more than you could ever give

it is because I realized I did not need you

because I had me

the day I came home and turned the light on

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade

August 2005, Mola Vista.  Our first night in the city.  The apartment was tiny.  But just enough for the 6 of us.   A temporary stay while our house was being renovated a couple miles away.   Just the 5 younger kids and myself living here M-F going to their respective schools.  The house in the country was still on the market and the 2 oldest kids continued living there with their dad (then husband).

For the first time since 1987, I slept soundly.  Quietness.  All were  soundly asleep.  Having the bed all to myself,  I knew something needed to change…just not sure who, what, where and  how at that time ….therapist..the word settled in my thoughts as I drifted to sleep…

…get a therapist.  Me only.  Not him and me.  Just me.

 

 

Faces in a Crowd

For the Weekly Photo Challenge A Face in the Crowd pictures of people rocking out to 80’s  decade music in a dimly lit club seemed aligned with this theme.  Recognizable faces are those that came with you…my friend and I.  The “others” just share the dance floor.   Turning down the lights and loud music amps uninhibited dance moves without judgment from self..and most others.  For those that come alone…that drink in hand will keep as a solid recognizable companion…

I Am

I am a Human Being with a Soul.   I am Female.

I am The Baby Boomer Generation in the very end of the 1950’s.  I will turn Sixty…soon.

I have learned the internalization of practicing gratitude.  I work hard to affirm myself and feed my Spirit.  I work to seek internal validation.  I make space in my life to love the person God created me to be and to love others for whom God created them to be.

I have worked very hard these past 10 years to love myself; to forgive myself; to be selfish; to honor myself; to be courageous and spirited; to laugh again and be playful; to be an authentic parent, a single parent; to honor and embrace all my emotions; to be resourceful; to practice mindfulness; to be daring; to rely on others; to have women and men friends who are fiercely loyal.  I am the definition of “It Takes A Village”.

I know defeat, abandonment, betrayal, depression, isolation, victimization.    I AM BRAVE.  I AM RESILIENT.

Brooklyn Bridge.  DUMBO. Picture taken by me, October 2017

Welcoming the First Morning of 2018: Jan 1st

Accogliendo La Luce, Welcoming the Light!

Both pictures taken at Fletcher Cove Beach, Solana Beach, California.

Everything of my past has lead me to where I am presently. Everything of my past has evolved me into who I am today.  Every new year fills me with a sense of anticipation for how the year will unfold.

There are many conversations in my head with things I want to do in 2018.  My tendency is… to “over resolutionize”!  What I continue to learn about myself is to make bite-sized, manageable goals, and to be adaptable with unexpected outcomes.  Life ( in my opinion) is both circuitous and playbook perfect.

Today,  in place of writing my extensive game plan for 2018,  I will begin this year with several personal commitments to myself.  Disclaimer: throughout the year these will be fine tuned:

Be Valerie.  Continue to make space in my life to be the best version of myself.

Know that God Always has My Back.

Practice Gratitude on a Daily Basis.

Embrace Trust.

Eat Well.

Sleep Well.

Exercise Well.

Laugh Often.

Make Space in My Life for Connectedness and Community.

Choose Love

Forgive.

Enjoy the Journey.