I Am

I am a Human Being with a Soul.   I am Female.

I am The Baby Boomer Generation in the very end of the 1950’s.  I will turn Sixty…soon.

I have learned the internalization of practicing gratitude.  I work hard to affirm myself and feed my Spirit.  I work to seek internal validation.  I make space in my life to love the person God created me to be and to love others for whom God created them to be.

I have worked very hard these past 10 years to love myself; to forgive myself; to be selfish; to honor myself; to be courageous and spirited; to laugh again and be playful; to be an authentic parent, a single parent; to honor and embrace all my emotions; to be resourceful; to practice mindfulness; to be daring; to rely on others; to have women and men friends who are fiercely loyal.  I am the definition of “It Takes A Village”.

I know defeat, abandonment, betrayal, depression, isolation, victimization.    I AM BRAVE.  I AM RESILIENT.

Brooklyn Bridge.  DUMBO. Picture taken by me, October 2017

Quote of the Day Post Format Assignment

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”……..Marianne Williamson

That Time in 2008

2008….these were the songs that carried me thru the latter part of that year.  To be exact, June 5, 2008 thru March 8, 2009.  But most intensely from June 5- July 31, 2008.  June 5 was when I served my Ex with divorce papers and a TRO.  To this day, my heart weighs heavy and tears form and all the feelings, fears I felt and empowerment and being in a safe place jumble up into one big AH HAAA…AND I know that I have never turned back never regretted my decision and continue to move forward. It took me 20 years too long to figure out what I needed to do and a fist, his fist breaking the windshield of our minivan with all the kids inside to finalize the deal..I never felt I had  voice.  I never believed that I could be heard.  I never realized that I could be listened to.  But all of that is a lie .  I have a voice and I am important and I am a viable human being that is worthy of being heard.  The biggest hurdle was finance.  This one of the areas of my marriage which was completely taken away from me.  I was told that even though I was a “professional” I would never be able to bring in the money like he did.  “No matter how hard, I will be fine without you.  It will get better in time”.  Time has moved on and my family and I do struggle financially, but the benefits outweigh what we had been used to.  Walking one egg shells every day stripped of our self esteem vs Peace of Mind, happiness, empowerment, surviving with little funds.  Lastly, to really , I mean REALLY know that all you had to rely on was FAITH.  That somehow Dammit!  You are going to get thru this.  You will get thru this because your kids are relying on you to get thru this.  Yes, I felt alone, but not in the sense of feeling isolated.  Alone, but God with me.  A higher power.  He was and still is this spirit being that continues to be there.  He is the one that has my back.  These songs are the rock during that time and hearing them brings me back to a time that was scary, ominous , bigger than me, yet something I have no regrets.

Listen (Song from Dreamgirls) Beyonce “The time has come for my dreams to be heard and they won’t be pushed aside because you won’t listen”

Better in Time Leona Lewis ” no matter how hard this is I will be fine without you it will all get better in time”

Never Alone Jim Brickman (feat Hillary Scott & Lady Antebellum) “when hard times have found you and your fears surround you wrap my love around you you’re never alone”